Denial Isn't Just a River in Egypt
by Mad Cow
Summary: Post 54 story. What would happen if Rachel didn't die? How would she cope with no one else to fight?


_I've RETURNED! Mwhahaha. _

Anyway, this is a post-54 story. However, it's also written from the point of view of someone who believes Rachel didn't die (Mr. Therapist says that's called denial, so I guess the title of this fic has 2 meanings). So Rachel's alive in this story, folks. The other difference is that Loren is dead. I don't know if she's dead in the series, but I can't remember a death scene, so she probably is alive, somewhere, really, but here she's dead. Sorry. Everything else should be the same though. The Animorphs have won, they're famous, blah blah blah.

_Please, I don't want any of your "Rachel wouldn't do this", or "Jake was out of character" reviews, because this is my story, and so I can do whatever the Hell I want. If you don't like this, then write your own for all I care. I know everyone is out of character, because I haven't read an Animorph book in like, 3 months. Besides, I am not writing this for your pleasure, I'm writing it so that this stupid idea will stop taking over the other stories I'm trying to write. I would also like to add that I did not research, so any and all legal issues may be entirely untruthful in the real world. _

_I don't own Animorphs, in any way, shape or form. I also don't own Robinson Jeffers' awesome poem, 'Hurt Hawks', which I quote many times in this story._

_Well, now that everyone thinks I am a PMSing bitch, enjoy._

   Tobias ran through the streets, barefoot and wearing nothing but the thinnest clothes. His daughter cried in his arms, wailing over a welt that crossed her back and the coldness that numbed her precious features.

   He couldn't drive, couldn't morph, and Rachel knew that. He knew that if he did not stop running, Rachel would catch up to him whenever she discovered he and Annie were gone. 

  Finally, he reached his destination by moonlight. There were no signs on the door, and to all appearances, it looked to be a normal house, just maybe larger than normal. But this was a ritzy, upper-class neighborhood. Every house looked larger than normal.

   He paused a moment before going in. Could he do this? Should he do this? Or was he just a worthless human being, like Rachel said? He sighed. Maybe he was, but he wasn't doing it for him, he was doing it for his daughter. She wasn't worthless. Annie meant everything in the world to him, so even if he was no better than one of the rats he used to eat for dinner, he had to do this, to save her.

   He pushed open the door. The attendant at the counter lifted up the phone from behind the metal bars and said, "Come any closer, and I'll have the cops on this place before you can say 'abuse.'" 

   Tobias faltered. "My wife..." he broke off, not knowing how to say it. Finally, he found his words. "She beats my daughter. I had to get us both out before she killed us. I don't know where else to go."

   "Did she hit you?" The woman asked. 

   "What?" asked Tobias. He knew very well what she meant, but was stalling for time.

   "Did your wife hit you?"

   He sighed, and looked down at the ground, ashamed. "Yes."

   "Well, this is a battered WOMEN'S shelter," she said, "but I'll call my supervisor."

   She dialed the phone. "Karen? It's Shelby. Hi, yes, I know it's late, but there's a man in the lobby...no, that's what I thought to do at first, but he's been beaten, and wants a place to stay...okay...10?...alright, thanks Karen." She hung up the phone. "She says you can stay. In room 10, that's just down the hall, on the left."

   "Thanks," he said. 

   "I need to know your name," she told him. "It doesn't have to be your real one, just what you want us to call you."

   He paused, and thought a moment. "Alan." His father wasn't a worthless human being.

   "And your daughter?"

   "Loren." _Please forgive me,_ he thought to his parents.

   "Great. I also have some items to give you. Most of the time when wom-people," she corrected, "come here, they don't have time to gather up the things they need. So we give them to them." She handed him a package. "There's a toothbrush, toothpaste, all kinds of things you need." She paused. "Just...ignore...the feminine items."

   "Thank you," he said, before walking to his room.

***

   The phone rang, and Jake rolled over in his bed. "Hello?" He answered.

   "Jake, it's me."

   "Rachel," he groaned. "What are you doing calling me at 6 in the morning?"

   "Tobias is gone." Jake's blood ran cold. "Annie, too. I think they may have been kidnapped."

   "I'll call the others. We'll be over there in no time."

   Half an hour later, Jake and Marco were sitting in Rachel's living room. They tried to contact Cassie, but she was with that guy, Ronnie, trying to save the Hork-Bajir, and couldn't be reached.

   Jake looked around the unfamiliar living room. It was as big as Marco's, as Rachel was just as Jake had been in it only a few times. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen Tobias many times since he and Rachel got married, either. Whenever any of the Animorphs invited the couple to something, Tobias never came. Rachel always said he wasn't feeling well, or that Annie wasn't, and Tobias chose to stay home with her. 

   "Why don't we morph wolf, and follow his trail?" Marco asked. 

   Rachel put her face in her hands, and shook it. Jake had never seen Rachel so upset about something. "I...I can't catch his smell. The city masks it."

   Jake looked at Rachel. "Then we're going to have to let the world know that Tobias and Annie were kidnapped. We'll have to alert the press. Maybe someone out there has seen them. The other two nodded, and Marco dialed up CNN.

***

   "Ladies," Tobias heard a woman begin, "we have a new member of our support group today. Alan, would you please come out here?"

   A couple women gasped and flinched away when he entered the room, but the sadness in his eyes soothed most of them. "Now ladies, Alan may be a man, but he has been through much of the same things you have. We are all trying to recover here, and I think Alan deserves the same."

   A couple of the women mumbled agreement, and Tobias was embarrassed. 

   "Alan, why don't you tell us why you're here?" It was not really a question.

   "My wife..." he paused, finding difficulty saying it. "hit me and my daughter. I deserved it, because I'm worthless, but my daughter never did anything wrong, so I came here to save her."

   "No one here is worthless, Alan," the therapist told him. Tobias was not soothed.

***

   Flashes went off in their faces. "Ladies and Gentlemen on the press," Jake began. "we are here today to tell you that one of our own has been kidnapped. Early this morning, Tobias Berenson was discovered missing. His daughter, Annie Berenson, is missing as well. The search for them has begun, however, all of our leads have gone nowhere. We'll take some questions."

   The press members stood up. Jake pointed at one, and she began, "Who is thought to be responsible?"

   "We are assuming that it was..."

***

   The TV was on in the common room, playing an old rerun of _Friends_. Tobias took a chair, Annie on his knee. He had just sat down when a news bulletin interrupted the show. 

   "We interrupt your regularly scheduled news program to bring you this special report. In a press conference today, it was revealed that Animorph Tobias Berenson and his daughter, Annie Berenson, are missing. We'll go live to his home in Los Angeles, with our field reporter, Michelle Cabot."

   The scene switched to the front of his house. "Thanks, Jeff. I'm here at the front of the Berenson household, where Tobias was said to be kidnapped from last night. The most reclusive of all of the Animorphs, Tobias has never given an interview, or even appeared somewhere publicly, since his marriage to Rachel Berenson 5 years ago and his trapping himself in a human body, and so, it is assumed that the kidnappers of the sixth Animorph are not doing this for publicity, but rather for blackmail. At the press conference today, Rachel was quoted as saying, 'I'll pay you anything. I just want my husband and daughter home.' Back to you, Jeff."

   The newsroom flashed back. "Thank you, Michelle. We'll keep you all updated on the search for the sixth Animorph."

   It flashed on a picture taken of Tobias, Rachel, and Annie during Annie's first Christmas. White text above it said," If you have any information on Tobias or Annie Berenson, please call 1-800-32-TOBIAS."

   _Friends_ switched back on. One of the women turned to Tobias and said, "That's you, isn't it?"

   He nodded silently. "Please don't call," he whispered.

   "We won't," said one of the workers at the center. "Our job here is to protect. If we were to call, not only would we not be protecting you, it would be giving this house too much publicity. All of the women would be put in danger as well."

   "Thank you," he said softly.

***

   The phone rang again. Jake was starting to hate these early morning calls. "Is this Jake Berenson?" asked the voice on the other line. 

   "This is he."

   "Mr. Berenson, this is Captain Campbell with the L.A.P.D. We believe we have found Tobias. A man matching his description, holding a little girl matching her description, was reportedly seen early yesterday morning."

   "Where?"

   The officer paused. "He was running through the streets barefoot, until he entered a shelter for battered women."

   "Battered women?"

   "Shelters like that have also been known to take in battered husbands, as well."

   "But Tobias wasn't..." Jake couldn't bear to say it. "He loved Rachel."

   "I'm not going to argue with you. I'm just telling you what we know. Would you like me to call Rachel?"

   Jake sighed. "No, I'll take care of things. Rachel probably shouldn't know until I get a chance to talk to Tobias. Can I have the address of the place?"

***

   Tobias? Jake asked, perched as a Peregrine Falcon on the window outside of his room. Tobias flinched, and then turned to face the window.

   "Jake," he said, sounding worlds relieved. It was upon seeing Tobias' face that Jake knew what the Captain had said was true. Tobias was badly beaten, with bruises showing on his face and hands. His eyes were frightened and sad, hair unkempt, a few days worth of stubble on his chin. 

   Can I talk to you? Jake asked. I won't tell Rachel about any of this, I promise. 

   Tobias nodded. "You'll have to use the front door. I'll go tell them you're coming."

   A few minutes later, Jake was sitting across from Tobias, in an enclosed room so, as one of the attendants said, he wouldn't 'frighten all of the women with his presence.'. "Tobias," Jake began. "Did Rachel ever hit you?" 

   He moved nervously in his seat, the only proof Jake needed. Tobias cleared his throat. "Rachel loved the war," he said. "We all knew that. But when the war ended, there wasn't anyone left to fight. Rachel couldn't handle that." He drew in a shaky breath. "So she fought me."

   Jake was appalled. How could Rachel do something like this to Tobias? The thought that she could do it to anyone was unbelievable enough, but Tobias? He thought she loved him.

   "Rachel is telling everyone you've been kidnapped."

   "I know, I saw it on the news," Tobias told Jake. "But she really knows I ran away. She's enjoying this. I know her well enough for that. She's acting the concerned, loving wife and mother, while the police look for me. News of my disappearance has spread everywhere, and she knows where ever I am, I know that she's telling everyone it's a kidnapping. She thinks that when I finally am found, I won't have the courage not to make up some story about former voluntary controllers or something."

   "Will you have the courage?"

   He sighed. "Probably not. Because even if I did, it would be in vain. She'll say that I'm making it all up, that whoever kidnapped me brainwashed me to think it wasn't true or something. So I'll just go back to her anyway, and be punished twice as hard."

   "You don't have to go back to her."

   "Don't have to go back?" Tobias laughed sadly. "Think about it Jake! I have no job, no driver's license, I was trapped in 8th grade, so I never even finished middle school, no living family, and, using all of those amazing credentials, I would have to support Annie as well, because I would never leave Rachel without her."

   "No job? Tobias, you're an Animorph! You don't need a high school diploma to do that, after all, Cassie's the only one of us that went back and finished high school. You're a hero! That's enough to support a daughter."

   "Easy for you to say," Tobias said. "You don't have a number."

   "What?" 

   "A number. I'm the sixth Animorph. Everyone call me that. Reporters, comedians, politicians. I've never given an interview, so people have forgotten about me. People just don't care."

   "What if you wrote a book?" Jake asked. "Marco has connections with a publishing house. We could push to get it published for you. When it comes out, Rachel will be a criminal, and you'll get the money. All will be solved."

   Tobias paused. "I kept a journal. I wrote in it every day, starting with the day before my marriage on."

   "Where is it?"

   "Still at the house. In my room. Under my mattress."

   "I'll go get it."

***

   Jake knocked on Rachel's door. "Hi Jake," she said.

   "Hi Rachel. I'm here about Tobias."

   "Have they found him?"

   "No, but I came to see if I could look at his room, to find see if I could find any information. Did you sleep in separate rooms?"

   Rachel paused, and lowered her voice. "Tobias and I were having...marriage troubles...please don't tell the press."

   "I won't," Jake falsely promised.

   Rachel led him to a room just as the phone rang. She went to go get it, and Jake took a look around, feeling under the mattress. Nothing. He took another look around the room. It looked very...unlived in. Rachel didn't lead him to the right place. Then Jake looked at the closet door. There was a lock on it. Who would put a lock on a closet door? Jake tested it, and it was unlocked, so he pulled it open.

   He regretted it. The smell hit him in a nauseating wave. 

   The door didn't lead him to a closet; it led him to another room. This one was much smaller, with only a lone mattress and a tin bucket placed on the floor.

   Jake knew what the bucket was for. It explained the smell.

   Jake lifted up the mattress. Under it was a plain book, with just a black cover. Jake slid it under his shirt, and closed the closet door, and just in time, too.

   "I'll be leaving now," Jake said to Rachel, as she came back seconds later. 

   "Did you find what you needed?"

   "Yes....eerm....there was no sign of struggle. I'll have to tell the police that."

   "They already knew."

   "Oh...well...I guess I'll tell them again." So thus, Jake slipped out of the house, precious cargo in tow.

***

   Marco did pull some strings with the publishing company. They managed to print out the book without ever letting the press know until the day before the debut. And even then, it was only known that it was the published journal of Tobias Berenson, who was, to all eyes but a very select few, still missing.

   Rachel was roaring mad, and tried to get the publishing company to stop the release date, but they knew that the book would make more money for them than she could ever offer, so it went as scheduled.

   The day No More to Use the Sky Forever: The True Tale of Tobias Berenson debuted, Jake's phone was ringing off the hook. Everyone wanted an interview with the man that they knew pushed to get this published. Jake kept refusing and refusing. Finally, he unplugged the phone, and enjoyed the silence.

***

   Tobias watched the news with the others at the shelter. He still hadn't left, and wouldn't until he got his first check in. Then, he promised to himself, he would donate what he didn't need to live to the shelter. 

   "Today," the reporter began. "the last of the human Animorphs published his first autobiography. However, this one was vastly different from the other four. Instead of focusing on the Yeerk War, and the struggles to win Earth, this book is about an inner war, and the struggle to retain any scraps of sanity. In No More to Use the Sky Forever, the title of which came from a line in Robinson Jeffers' poem 'Hurt Hawks', Tobias Berenson reveals in his personal journal that things were not perfect between the perfect Animorph couple. In fact, he speaks of his wife, Rachel, making him do things no human being should be subjected to. 

   "According to the book, Rachel beat both Tobias and Annie, their daughter, on a regular basis, sometimes even 3 or 4 times a day, sometimes as a human, sometimes a morph much more deadly. In the later half of the book, Tobias speaks of being locked in a windowless room for days at a time, writing using the light from the crack under the door, not even being allowed out to use the bathroom or eat. 

   "The last entry in the book, written the night he disappeared, raises an interesting question. In it, he says that he is going to attempt to escape with his daughter. Does his disappearance mean that he really did escape, or did Rachel kill him? 

   "Due to the fact that Tobias' whereabouts are not known, the police cannot charge her with anything relating to him. However, she is being held in custody under the charge of child abuse for the abuse of Annie.

   "We go now live to the scene, where Megan Williams is..."

   Tobias got up and walked away. "Don't you want to see this?" someone asked. He shook his head. "No."

***

   Tobias walked behind Jake into the police building. Jake approached the Captain handling Tobias' disappearance. "This is Tobias," Jake said.

   The tall man looked Tobias in the eye. "I'm sorry we were trying to find you."

   "Is his testimony all we need to persecute Rachel for attempted murder on two counts, spousal abuse, and child abuse?"

   "Yes."

***

   The lawyer stood before the courtroom. "In closing, I would like to say that the defense may have tried to prove to you today that the accused, Rachel Berenson, should not be convicted for the horrors she has committed because she is a hero. She saved the world. She is above the justice system of the Earth Council. Well, whoever agrees with that is being led by lies. Hero or not, she committed the crimes, and even if saving the world is enough to save her from jail, the jury should be reminded that the person she did this to was also a hero. He also saved the world. And anyone who commits any crimes against Earth's heroes should be persecuted, no matter who they are! To quote Robinson Jeffers, 'The great redtail had nothing left but misery, from the bones too shattered for mending, the wing that trailed under his talons when he moved.' Tobias Berenson may no longer live in the body of a great red tail, but he still has nothing left but misery, bones to shattered for mending, and wings that trail under his talons when he moves. That is no way for a hero to be treated. Thank you , ladies and gentleman of the jury."

   The jury left to deliberate. When they returned, it was decided. "Of both crimes of attempted murder, the accused is found guilty. Of the crime of child abuse, the accused is found guilty. Of the crime of spousal abuse, the accused is found guilty. For these crimes, she will be given life sentence in a specialty built prison where she will never be able to escape."

   Tobias felt a great weight lift off of his chest. It was over. It was finally over. He was free.


End file.
